Pack that Punch
What if Superman sat down and said to Lex Luther, “I really don’t appreciate it when you try to kill me Lex.” “It there a way we can end this conflict without killing each other?” Desperately Superman looks into the eyes of his nemesis, struggling to understand why such an intelligent man can’t come to grips with the fact that the all powerful super being in front of him will not be defeated. Yet he still continues decade after decade to destroy him. How often are we faced with a similar dilemma? Our arch enemy won’t just agree with us! Usually it’s not as dramatic, but we feel like it is.
Age of Empires
In the age where heroes are portrayed with more humanistic
qualities, they lack the more popular politically correct ways to end conflict.
Conversation that gives to peaceful resolutions without bloodshed, flattened cities,
or devastated eco systems. Yet minds of writers, artists, and Hollywood and the
Department of Defense tell us that at the end of the day you might just have to
Nuke EM!
In the political realm Democrats and Republicans see each
other in the same stereotypical light; one is the fist and the other the mouth,
eastern civilization vs. the western more modern way of thinking. The United
States is Rome and everywhere else is…well…just everywhere else. The
Kardashians Vs. the world, and Vamps, Ware wolfs, blacks, whites, African and
not, Native and naive it continues.
Sadly there is no end… unless the seals are broken the
Four Horseman of Apocalypse arrive and put an end to conflict…with…more
conflict.
But let’s digress, some of us, wish to achieve radical change
here on earth. We want the utopia of civilization. In order to get there
somehow we all have to put our imaginary swords down, sit in a circle and talk.
Let’s Win Together
I
like the idea of Win-Win. It seems so much better than any other only because
there’s no real loser. And let’s face it, having a draw is losing and that
really doesn’t solve anything. If you walk away a loser resentment builds, and
we all know where that leads…to the Dark side!
Sadly
I haven’t experienced this situation; I believe it’s the unicorn of conflict
resolutions. It is only to be given to the few enchanted one’s who don’t seem
to deserve the grace that the unicorn befalls on them. Because after all it is
grace.
Winning
feels good. I feel like I win, when I allow an opponent beat me or give in. I
know I could have won, yet by laying down my power, means that I’m just as
strong without it. If more people felt this way we could have more Win-Wins.
A
win-win is a solution that each party is happy with. Each party becomes
committed to the solution and or resolution to the conflict. Each party may
compromise or find a completely satisfactory solution that neither thought of.
Most
Win-Wins aren’t really win-wins. Most are draws, the “agree to disagrees.” To
truly be a win-win both you and your “conlflicteer”, should find a solution
that you are satisfied with. And we know satisfied, it’s like the end of a good
meal… your full and happy.
I see a solution
In order to move
forward in conflict first we need grace, then we need to change our
perspective. We don’t have to give up our ground or even our viewpoint. We
need to be able to understand the others. This will allow us to find a solution
that truly answers the question, “Can we find a peaceful resolution we are both
happy with?”
As
we look at the other’s view of the conflict, we may find out why they are so
determined to keep it and fight for it. Let’s look at Lex and Superman again.
Lex was bent on destroying Superman, mostly because he couldn’t control him.
Superman was supposed to represent the purist of ideals. But yet he couldn’t
come to grip with Lex Luther desiring a life without Super beings. Lex didn’t
think he belonged there.
In
our own conflicts we desire one view, one religion, one law, one government.
But as a community and a people we disagree. It’s even amazing that our own
version of Government has lasted this long, only because Washington is filled
with unresolved conflict.
Get
past the argument, and recognize it before it starts. Try to see ahead of time
that you not going to completely agree and be the first to realize you’re going
to need to find an alternate solution. Involve a third perspective, that
doesn’t agree with either of you.
The
most powerful people aren’t the ones who have their way, they are the ones who
can resolve conflict. A CEO, President, or General couldn’t hold their position
without knowing how to not just put out the fire, but use the ones around them
to put it out.
Lead
from the front, and “Let Cooler Heads Prevail,” because that is what will get
you to a Win-Win.
References
J.T. Wood, Interpersonal Communication, (2010) Communication
and Personal Identity pg 233
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